Birth Story!

 Little Eleanor! You are 3 days old today! I can hardly believe it.... you came a full 15 days early- 37 weeks, 6 days! On New Years Eve! 12/31/2020. It was quite a story and God is so present in all the little details.. let's dive in! 

Wednesday, 12/30, your daddy and I decided to sneak in one quick getaway before you came home and we wouldn't be able to go away again for like 18 months (because I am nursing). Grandma Sandee and Grandpa Rick had gifted us a getaway to McMennamins for our 30th birthdays and Grandma came to stay overnight with the 3 kiddos. We wanted to go to the McMennamins in McMinnville where we got married, but because of Covid everything was closed...no eating in restaurants, etc. so we decided to go to the one right down the road in Forest Grove where we could at least make reservations and enjoy the soaking tub. Your birth mom had an appointment on Monday 12/28 that had been rescheduled to 12/30 and I had to call and try to change it because of the getaway and they ended up changing it to a phone appointment which at least let us get away more quickly so we had your birth mama over at 1:45 and made some coffees and ran through a few questions we had and then waited for the phone call...and waited...and at 2:30 we decided they weren't going to call (just like a previous phone appt where they never called and we waited for 90 mins oy vey). So, we brought your birth mama home and checked in at the hotel! Your daddy took a shower and I unpacked a bit and relaxed. And then at 4pm, we get a call from the dr. office saying that they had called for the phone appointment at 2:45 and your birth mama had been so nauseous that she hadn't been eating or drinking for days and had a terrible headache and they needed to know if I could get her straight to the hospital. I was so confused because she had seemed just fine and said she felt fine at our house and had drank a big cup of coffee...but said of course, so back we went to pick her up and brought her to the hospital. We weren't sure how long it would take so your daddy just went to Goodwill and bought some bottles at Target. Well we ended up being there until like 9:30. They had to IV hydrate your birth mama and they went through 2 big ol' bags. they wanted to test her urine but it took her hours to have to go because of how dehydrated she was. It was actually kind of a sweet bonding experience for us- she got to see that she was my priority and it gave us lots of time to talk. She was being so chatty and sharing about all sorts of things which was fun! but I never quite know how much I am really understanding with my Spanish not being the strongest. Anyway, we got your birth mama home at 9:30 and told her we would go pick up her anti-nausea meds the next morning and gave her pain killers for her headaches with instructions to call us to go back to the hospital if the pain pills weren't helping. Your daddy and I went to grab some fast food and got back to the hotel at 10:15. I had to pump and then off to bed! At least we would get to enjoy the soaking pool the next day, right...? Nope hahaha. I got up at 5:30 to pump and then rolled around trying to go back to bed. I heard one little buzz on my phone, but ignored it because I wanted to sleep some more! I thought that your birth mama would call which would have made my phone buzz a lot and then I would have of course looked and seen! the little buzz was your birth mama sending me a voice message, "Natalia! Necesita ayuda. *pant pant* Mucha duele!" I so wish I would have seen that! but 15 mins later, your daddy got a call from your birth mama's "cousin" and he started making hand motions to me to get up! I wasn't in a huge rush thinking it was maybe related to the dehydration from the night before or if real labor, it would be long since it was her first and got dressed and brushed my teeth and asked if I could shower.  Your dad said, "No! I think this is pretty urgent- he's saying she can't talk or walk!" So, I started crying a little and off we went. I realized that I had to poop, but wouldn't get around to doing that until about 9 am...hahaha. When we got to your birth mama, she was in the corner of the shower, hunched over with a blanket all sweaty and panting- very much "mama cat". She said she had no more strength left and your daddy and her cousin had to carry her to the car. I got to sit in the back with her and hold her hand through contractions which were coming like every minute. We told her she could squeeze my hand to help with the pain and she said she had no strength to squeeze.. She was in transition for sure- saying things like "Mommy, help me!" and "I'm going to die!" and I am so glad we were there with her and able to comfort her and assure her she was safe and this was all very normal. Just think about some of the details here- like how if we had been in McMinnville, we wouldn't have been able to bring her to the hospital the day before or couldn't have gotten to her in time! And if we had been at home instead of on a getaway, your daddy would have had to stay home with your brother and sisters while I took her to the hospital and I couldn't have been there to comfort her in the same way! Anyway, we got to the hospital probably at 7am. Your daddy ran in and grabbed a wheelchair and we helped her into it and had to get our temperatures taken and masks on *stupid covid* and headed up to L&D! Daddy headed home to get my hospital bags, etc. We had called on the way telling them we were coming so they had an idea of who we were when we arrived, but we had no I.D. for your birth mama and you were coming fast! Luckily, some of the nurses from the night before recognized us and they were able to find your chart that way. They got your birth mama into a room and tried to get her undressed and onto a bed and she wasn't being super cooperative. They said her dress was wet so water had at least partially broken, but she really didn't want to take off her dress. They pretty much forced her and got her somewhat covered up with blankets and down on the bed. The contractions were coming quick and strong and she wanted to hold two hands during each one. The night before we had had an Asian nurse and she was very funny. Her English had a strong accent where even I couldn't understand her very well so she would say something and then the other nurse would have to repeat it to the translator who would then repeat it to your birth mama... too funny. And then the nurses all changed shifts at 7 and a really tall man (Marcus) had been your new nurse. I hadn't liked him the night before because I felt like he didn't acknowledge me at all or offer to translate the Spanish he was speaking for me, etc. Anyway, he was still on when we came in and then the nurses were changing shift but he didn't run off because he probably felt very invested. Good thing. He was amazing with your birth mama...he would keep his head close to hers and just explain what was happening and reassure her that she was safe and this was all normal and she wasn't going to die. Anyway, during the shift change, the funny Asian nurse came back on and tried to take over Marcus' place of support and your birth mama did not like the way she held her hand hahaha she asked for Marcus to come back. He was so sweet to stay on with her after his shift ended. Later when I asked her, she said she really liked how big his hand was and how firm he held against her when she was pushing. She also said my hands were big and strong haha. When we had first gotten her on the bed, they tried to check how far along she was, but could only feel a bulging bag of waters. She was fully effaced. During each contraction, she would say, "Rapidoooo!" telling us how fast it was happening! The nurse told her that it was ok to yell during the contractions if that helped her and so she did yell that phrase with each contraction. She did not like being checked and was very firm saying, "No me tocas" whenever someone touched her belly or tried to check her. She had to wear a mask *stupid covid* but I saw what looked like pushing on her face and the drs tried to check again and there was the top of the head. The drs. were encouraging your birth mama to push, but she very firmly would say, "No!" and wait for the next contraction to push. I loved how assertive she was being after the past few months of her pregnancy I felt like she has just said "ok" to whatever was said without any real opinions offered. I thought for sure the top of the head would just peek out for a bit with each push for a while like how it happened with me, but one push later, head was out and another push and body was out. it happened so quick! We had barely had time to tell the nurses her name and wishes, but we had made sure to let them know that we wanted the cord blood for a minute and then we needed you to be moved to another room so birth mama wouldn't see you. You were born at 7:21... we were literally in the hospital for maybe 20 minutes! SO fast! Well, fast for me anyway! The night before, I had seen lots of what I thought were braxton hicks on the monitor. I thought it was kind of crazy how consistently they were coming, but your birth mama said she couldn't even really feel them. And the nurses let her go without checking her. But the dehydration and stress on her body must have kick-started an early labor. Apparently, labor really started around 11pm with the first big contraction and then continued mildly until 2am when they started to really pick up. She said it got really bad at 3am. But she didn't call me until 6am... so your poor birth mama was laboring all by herself all night long, feeling scared. I wish with everything I have that she had called me and that I could have been there for her! But it is what it is and I really think God is in the details here too- if we had gone to the hospital at 2am, she would have been bullied into an epidural and who knows what complications that could have led to. I remember the dr. appt when they discussed an epidural them saying, "Your job is just to tell us when the pain gets to be too much." Not if...when. And obviously it will become too much at some point because the Lord has cursed women with painful childbirth. But that doesn't mean that she isn't capable or that medication that forces you to lay down and not move is best for your body. I prayed so strongly that she wouldn't end up with a C-section! And having Marcus there to be another friendly face. And even the coming so early...your ita & abuelo won't get home from Mexico until 1/23, so we get a full 3 weeks as a new family of 6 before they come home which is such an incredible blessing. I feel like it really gives us time to bond before the big kids will be upstairs playing with abuelo and running errands with Ita instead of asking to hold you, etc. 

I don't know why your birth mama didn't want to see you...but my best guess is that she knew that if she physically saw or held you, she wouldn't be able to let you go again and she knew in her heart that she wanted you adopted into a family that could provide in a way that she couldn't. It was so heartbreaking. Your birth mama is absolutely the most brave and precious woman. She knew nothing about giving birth! And she was more than 2 weeks early and had just been hospitalized for dehydration, so for all she knew she wasn't having the baby, but was having another problem with being dehydrated. There was no Chuj interpreter the night before or for the birth, so she just did the best she could with Spanish. I am so thankful I was there to be an advocate for her! And to be a friendly face that she knew she could trust among the sea of strangers. We had only known each other for 6 weeks before you were born, but we had dinner together every week and it feels like she became our friend. I am going to miss seeing her. She is bright and funny and the better her Spanish got, the more chatty she became and it was so fun to hear about her home and culture. We still haven't worked out details with the lawyers about adoption details, but I am hopeful that she will want to be a part of your life to some extent. She loves you so much. She called me about 11 hours after you were born asking about you and wanting pictures. And then she has continued to check in at least once a day for four days. She takes all the pictures she sees of you and posts them to her Facebook. She is enamored to say the least! It is so hard watching her love you and knowing that she can't have you. And we are falling so in love with you too and it carries so many emotions. I know that she played the recording of my voice to you so often because today on the ride to the pediatrician, you hated your carseat and began screaming and calmed down immediately when I began to sing the songs I had on the recording. Watching your birth mama give birth to you made me feel so so much love for her. As I was leaving the delivery room to be with you, all I could do was give her a kiss on the forehead and say, "Te amo". And then I went to go visit her that evening and then again the next morning. and your dad has been picking up her prescriptions and bringing her food so she can rest well and heal. All of it is so beautiful AND so hard. Both. It is ok for this to be a heartbreaking story. Adoption is always the plan B. The second best thing. I just want you to know that your story is beautiful! And it is ok for you to have mixed feelings about it. Or huge feelings about it. Or to not want to discuss it. I promise to do my best to guard your story- it is yours to tell, not mine! You are simply my Eleanor, the most dear gift I could have ever been given! And I am so thankful for you! I hope you enjoy reading this someday <3 <3 <3 I love you, sweet girl of my heart!