FIVE

 My sweet girl! five feels like such a huge milestone. you are about to turn FIVE!! i cannot believe it... you are just my little girl still. i still very much feel like you're a toddler in many ways. the years are flying by, precious one. i wish i could bottle up your giggles and joy and the way you love me and hold it forever. you are sunshine. and i love you so so much! 

i am writing this blog a little early because i have time right now- Mexico for a month! and because when I get home, my free time will be dedicated to our yearly family video and....dun dun dun YOUR SPECIAL FIVE YEAR OLD VIDEO! i did one for each of your older siblings- i think Jo's was at 7 because we didn't get her a mama sing your song until then, but i believe the other two were at five, and now it is your turn!! how?! i am so excited to see it all come together and then gift it to you for your birthday. you are going to love it. i am sure you'll want to watch it over and over and then we will enjoy it for many years to come! maybe someday, i'll have time to continue with these special videos and do a minute for each year until 18 or something... the others sure ask me to add on to theirs haha. we'll see ;) but i am SO excited to do this for you!! 

Let's start with Mexico so far! You're enjoying it a lot. you did tell me yesterday for the first time that you're homesick- just 8 days to go! you are loving the heat- no complaints there. you complain about the cold in Oregon a lot haha. too cold to move in the morning and need a blanket brought to you. crying with cold after a bath until you're bundled up. you love the heat! and you love wearing just dresses and undies every day. no worries that I packed you only 5 dresses for a month- that is all you'll wear while ignoring all the shorts and tshirts haha. you love dresses! you have very much enjoyed the pool! Johanna taught you to put your whole head under the water! i am so proud. and you're so proud of yourself. you jump in from the side and go under! Jo convinced Ita to get you little side arm floaties, so you have to work a bit harder than with a life jacket and she is teaching you to kick your legs. maybe we should put you in swimming lessons when we get home and keep the momentum going? you love the ocean too! you enjoy jumping over the waves a lot! and of course playing in the sand. you will also come out with us to relax in the bigger waves- staying out of the "pummel zone" and going up up up and over the big ones with your life jacket and in a floatie. haha princess life. i hold onto the strap of your life jacket and keep you close to me. you have for sure gotten crashed on a few times, so you're learning to keep your mouth shut and hold your breath if the wave is too big. it is so much fun to have you out there with us! we took you to the water park the first week and you hated it. Jo eventually convinced you to go down the big slides because they were soo slow, but you wouldn't go alone and insisted that mommy do it with you the first five times. and then Jo do it with you. toward the end of her 5 turns, Jo got bored and tried pushing you off and having you go alone into the pool and you yelled at her that you hated that ha. we left you behind on our 2nd water park trip... we will go one more time next week with grandma sandee and grandpa rick, so hopefully you'll enjoy that more as you'll have one on one attention from a grown up (5 kids v 5 adults baby ooo yeah!) and can just play in the splash pool area. or swim in the big pool and don't have to even touch the slides ;) you love collecting shells and have a huge collection of them- you'll be very sad i'm sure when it is time to choose only a few to take home with us. you love sitting on laps in the car! no car seat yeaaah man. you are usually on Ita or Mom's lap up in the front seat or by a window in the middle, so lucky you. the other kids all fight a lot about who has to take a turn in the back and who gets the middle seat because it is so hot and no a/c in the car. next week will be even worse adding 2 more people haha. 5 adults and 5 kids in a 6 car seat (2nd back seat is broken, but we can still fit a few kids back there on top of the folded down seat ;) you are enjoying the adventures for sure. i sure don't remember much from when I was 4, but  I hope you'll keep some memories from this special trip- at least through the pictures! oh. and a few of the renters came and you just are eating up attention from Bob & Virginia (83 & 81). you say that she is the nicest because she called you beautiful and gave you a cookie. Denise said nice things and gave you treats too haha. but you just love Bob & Virginia! we ran into them at the little store that we can walk to from Ita's house yesterday and you were thrilled! you always take the route upstairs that goes past their house and you are so sweet- almost flirty- with them. like hiiii notice me haha. i love you, cutie. it is so fun to watch you come alive in a new and different way! you have also gotten just a little excited about Spanish and are trying to say a few phrases in espanol! i'm proud and i hope we can continue to teach you the language at home! we are just so busy, it hasn't been priority. but i know it is sooo important, for you especially! so you can have deep conversations with your birth mom. and honestly, because you look very Hispanic/Guatemalan and people will just assume that you speak it quite often. 

at home in Oregon and just the United States in general, things aren't going so great... the political climate is heated and frankly, scary. People hate Trump and the "left" vs "right" is so polarized. there is a lot of hateful speech and narrative being spread. I think you're protected from most of it because you don't read and aren't on social media and the people we hang with, don't spew hatred! but the biggest issue affecting us personally is that Trump has ICE (Immigration Enforcement) in our towns. like in Cornelius and Hillsboro. They parked in front of our rental house neighborhood the other week and were stopping every car. it is so far from constitutional... they are locking down and searching in schools. and they are being so aggressive. they are sitting on top of and choking and kicking people who aren't even resisting. they're arresting actual citizens and detaining them for days with no access to a phone call to tell loved ones they've been taken or a lawyer, etc. and the conditions are rough from what I hear, bad food, not enough food, etc. it is really scary! they are straight up taking people because they look Mexican. like your dad and i had the conversation of whether he should carry a copy of his passport around just in case. he refuses. he says he would rather get taken and treated badly and stand up for his rights as a citizen even if it is hard on his family that we wouldn't know where he was or what happened or what to do. i mean, how is this our real life? it sounds like a horror novel. anyway, we are also very scared for your birth mom! if she were to be detained by ICE, they'd send her back to Guatemala. and no one would get a phone call... what if Michael were in daycare? How would we know? She used to post on social media all the time and I could easily call her through FB, but she has completely stopped posting and we don't have her number. we last saw her about 2 months ago.. you said you really missed her and so we called via the fb account I had last used to contact her. but she didn't answer, and i honestly wasn't sure i was going to have any way to contact her. luckily, she called us back the next day. but that is where we are now! we really need to get in touch with her and let her know that if anything were to happen, we would gladly take Michael. and just to check in with her... we haven't heard from her in weeks. and i am scared for her! I hope ICE goes away soon... it can't last forever. but my goodness. what a time to be alive. 

you are a bit of a crybaby... i'd say of all the things i'm working with you on, this is the biggest. you instantly burst into tears when something happens and you scream and yell at people instead of asking kindly or taking a deep breath. like a brother takes a toy- instant screaming, "Zeeeeeeeeke i was using that. give it back. moooooooom" it is my least favorite thing haha. and it is way worse when you're overtired. you refuse to nap or even really take a rest time and then you love to sleep with Jo and you often stay up just as late as her and get up just as early, but you're littler and need more sleep to grow... so you're overtired a lot. probably something we need to do something about... you say that you hate falling asleep alone and honestly, you need to go to bed by like 7! but you won't do it... ugh. we need to be better at disciplining and making you guys do what is best for you! i'll be working on it when we get back to Oregon...7pm bedtime! in your own bed... anyway, you are often overtired and I think that is a big reason for the awful whininess. you are getting better when we remind you. I'll often say that I can't understand you when you're crying like that..and tis true haha. i'll also say that I never give whining kids what they're asking for and you're usually able to take a breath and ask nicely the 2nd time. the worst is when you get hurt by a sibling or fight with a sibling. you run straight to me and we really need to work on you trying to work it out with your sibling first. everyone has their own things to work on, huh? I know you'll get there- just documenting our struggle with you right now so you get the whole picture of who you were at 4! 

you are also very particular about mommy doing things for you. you don't want someone else to bring your food to the table, you want mommy. you don't want someone else to help you put on your shoes, just mommy. etc. this is a big source of conflict for us because often, your dad or a sibling is sitting ready to help and mom is doing four other things, but you refuse to let someone else help you. It is challenging! we are working on that too ;) and i try to soak up the love that you have for me. you love to follow me around. you hate it when i leave. you want me to spend special time with you often. you sure love me a lot. i am a lucky mama to be loved by you :) 

you also love Jo a lot! she is really good to you. she has let you sleep in her bed for months now and i know that she doesn't love it. she finally put a pool noodle in the middle of the bed so you'd stop snuggling her at night because you get so sweaty she says haha. and you'd fall off the bed if she switched sides with you. you would often stay up later than her too and play with her calico critters and make a huge mess and then refuse to clean it up the next day ha. but you do take care of sparkle for her! you scoop the poop and flush it, refill the water and food, and play with her! you do such a good job with the kitty- i'm honestly impressed and feel like you're ready for your own pet...but not yet ;) on this trip to MX, Jo has been co-sleeping with Zak because we don't have a crib here and he can't sleep with mom or he'll get in the habit of nursing all night long. and you're jealous for sure..

You and Zeke are the best of friends (most of the time)! It is sooo precious. You guys run off and play so well while the big girls homeschool. You tolerate Zeke so much better than the older girls do. Like when he plays a bit rough, you play along and laugh vs the girls get easily annoyed with him, tell him to calm down etc. you guys really have the best time! I'm so thankful for the sweet friendship! But you make giant messes- often creating huge elaborate forts, etc. and then you pitch a fiiiit about clean up time. The whole no toys thing has been amazing here in Mexico..i'm glad you have awesome toys to stretch and grow your brain and learning and whatnot, but sometimes I wonder about just leaving you with your big beautiful imagination and some dirt... ;) it would eliminate so many fights between me and you. Maybe some toy rotation is in order for us! 

You're also so close with Zakeus! And the friendship is only getting sweeter as he grows. I can't hardly handle it. The way he climbs up next to you and hugs you and wrestles you and you let him...you are such a great big sister! You are tender and quick to serve him, you are quick to praise him, and notice when he needs something. Such a precious gift that you have beautiful relationships with all your siblings! 

You've wanted to start some preschool work and I got the curriculum all printed, but we haven't made time for it yet... By the time I'm done schooling your big 3 siblings, I have too many others duties to attend to. And I brought some along for Mexico, but you have no interest how haha. But you have amazing scissor skills. Like how? Who taught you that? You cut out so many things that I needed cut out for your preschool curriculum games- such a time saver for me and you had a blast haha win win ;) Awesome finger dexterity. You're really staring to color in the lines! And you're starting to create the cutest, funniest drawings. You draw people and horses and sunshine and flowers and all sorts of things now! Your pics are always so bright and sunny and adorable- it brings me so much joy! 

You are still crazy over Frozen! You want a Frozen themed bday party and it has been so fun talking about that with you here in MX. You want to invite your 3 friends from my old high school friends (we've been trying to get together monthly with 3 ladies I went to high school with and we all have 4 year old daughters!) and you really wanted Rosalina and Valencia too, but I don't think their fam would fit with the others vibe wise haha. We are doing pipe cleaner and bead snowflakes and pin the nose on Olaf and all sorts of fun things! I can't wait to celebrate you, sweet Eleanor! It will be your first friend party too!! You had a fam only party when you turned 2- a dance party with the strobe light! And now a friend party... Growing up 🥲

You have a strong sense of style! You love dresses, fancy, and are just so particular about what you want to wear. You always want to be the one to pick it out. And you have strong feelings on how we style your hair too. Your bangs are still recovering from the chop job you did last year and are always hanging over your eyes. Clips work well and they're your favorite, but you lose them often. You love an "Elsa braid" but that doesn't get those pesky bangs. So I've started using 2 of those tiny tight bands for your bangs and then a braid. It works for now ha. It will be interesting to see how you style yourself once we're back in Oregon and it's freezing. I think it'll be mostly your long sleeved dresses with leggings or tights underneath ha. And you have some cute hand me down ugg boots- pink! It'll be a stylish winter for you ;) 

You are always Soo hungry in the mornings and eat a huge hearty breakfast! But then you don't eat a lot the rest of the day. You often pick at dinner and we have to remind you to eat and threaten to clean up your plate. We don't have many family meals during the summer when Dad works so much and we fall into lazy habits of dinner while watching tv and kids sitting alone for lunch while mom is working and you often forget about food and run off to play. You get so offended when you come back half hour later and your food has been cleaned up haha. Working on it ;) and working on having more family meal times too-i know that'll encourage better eating habits! Youre a great water though- you really love just about everything! And you really love your "bedtime banana" especially if I let you out on peanut butter! 

You've become very attached to your little stuffed fox that I got you with your special song. You took out the song box, but take "Foxy" everywhere nowadays. Like the big girls used to do with their blankets. It's funny because I tried hard not to get you to bond with a blanket and you never had a special thing during those years when toddlers attach, but just how at 4 almost 5... It is pretty precious tho! You love to throw Foxy up in the air and catch. Tonight at dinner, you said "Look, mom!" And were putting your straw to Foxy's mouth. You just adore him! I always call it a "him", but I guess I should ask you if it's a boy or a girl.. ha. I am so happy we will have Foxy in all your photos from this age. He goes all over with you! Absolutely precious. 

You have such a helpful spirit! This morning, you took the small broom Ita has in Mexico and helped me sweep out our room. And you said "mommy we are having a special time sweeping together" haha. You delight in my praise when I encourage you doing helpful things. Like you light up! You love to follow me around everywhere so I'm trying to let you be a helper! Such a blessing to mama 💜

You got to do the gymnastics class you wanted to do so bad! You had a lot of fun and actually learned a lot and for sure gained some coordination and strength. But after 2 months, you were like well that was fun, but I want to try ballet now. Ha! So I switched you over into the class that your friend Frankie was taking and then you were super excited to go each week again. We quit all sports before our long trip and through the holidays. So I'm not sure what we will do after Christmas! We will see if I can get you in a parks'n'rec ballet class!

I feel like that pretty much sums up who you are at 4 years old. Giggles and so much love and spice and do it myself ;) you are Soo quick to say "I love you" and to ask for a hug and to say I just want to be with you. You are quick to forgive when I apologize for snapping. You bring me flowers and pictures you drew. You are just a delight! I love this age and how full of innocence and joy you are! I am so thankful for your life and for who you are and who the Lord is making you into! I am so thankful for all that you bring to our family! And I am sooo thankful for the way you love me. A love I don't deserve. A love that makes me feel needed, and more than that, wanted. As I experience my older kids entering the pre-teen age and am getting my first taste of them pulling away and getting less interested in me and wanting to assert their independence more, I am even more thankful for the chance to have these little years with a child again. Gosh, they are such precious and special years. I pray that you know how adored you are. I pray you know deeply that we love and cherish you. And that we like you! That we think you are so special and fun and wonderful. Because you sure are, sweet Eleanor! You are deeply loved and enjoyed! I can't wait to see how you grow and change and mature this next year. I am so so thankful I get a front row seat to your life- what an absolute gift! TE AMO!! 

Favorite fruit: cherries & strawberries

Favorite veggie: strawberries! (*not a fruit*) oh...tomatoes!

Favorite snack: granola bar

Favorite food: pancakes with frozen cherries and hot chocolate

Favorite dessert/treat: Snow with flavor in it

Favorite drink: hot chocolate

Favorite toy: Elsa stuff

Favorite movie: Frozen- the water horse one. is that #2?

Favorite TV show: Paw Patrol

Favorite game: Hoot Owl Hoot (she said "the owl one")

Favorite outfit: Ballerina!

Favorite animal: horses

Favorite song: Frozen songs

Favorite season: Spring

Favorite book: *described 10 apples up on top...i think. that they read in preschool class at co-op yesterday

Best friend: Frankie

Favorite thing to do outside: Sprinkler under the trampoline

Favorite holiday: Daddy daughter dance!

Favorite thing: Avocado St. James III

Favorite hobby: getting ice cream

Highlight of year: My presents! going on a smoothie date

Favorite sport: Ballet

What do you want to be when you grow up: Horse trainer